Finally fired my boss! -:) Office politics

What I mean is that I finally quit my job for my school. The feeling is good and it seems that I fire my boss with release. 5 years! I have been worked for this group for 5 years, which is my first job in America. If not because the damn green card sponsorship, I won't tolerant the unfairness, crazy long hours with no overpay, and extremely entry level salary for that long. As many people know it is harder and harder to get US residence these days. It might be easier to come than to stay. Even I am the only women engineer among 8-10 hardheaded engineering men in the group, nobody even cares that I have been pregnant for 5 months. They kept pushing me to my edge with crazy busy work each week, and no any appreciation.

When I gave the resign letter to my boss yesterday, and gave the reasons that I want to take break for my pregnancy, he was surprised " Oh, it is already 5 months! I don't know that long already. Are you sure you quit is for pregnancy not for xxx?" xxx means unfair treatment I have had these months. He never thought I will leave with pregnancy because he thought I need money for my school next year (he thought I defer one year). Like many others say, do not damage the relationship and burn the bridge. I smiled and said: "No no, I do not blame anyone. I think it has been a great experience to work with you for 5 years. I just think it is time for me to take a break." He felt a little guilty and said: " You know, I like you a lot, just sometimes, for my position, I have to do something I do not want to." We all know what that means. I said (smiled all the time) " it is fine. I understand. " Then I left his office. At that moment, I felt so released.

For women in engineering world, a men's world, I can say that it is tough to play office politics and it is hard to play well, specially if you do not have a good English skill in US. I know I was a bad game player for office politics. I was negative and wanted to hide from it. I thought as long as I have good working skills and do my job well, it would be fine. It turned out that it was not true! I learned a lesson from this job.

I never want to be a superwoman, and I just want some respect and fairness. At this exit point, I realize that only good technique won't save you from complicated office politics, and it cannot guarantee your promotion and your career path. You really need involve, observe, and also play well to stand for yourself. After all, I still value this 5 year experience as a positive one although I experienced a lot of unhappiness and unfairness. Stop complaining and start to learn! This is what I tell myself now. B-School is also a small society, and everyone needs play well for relationships. It is not too late to learn how to play well.

I find a good article from online yesterday http://jobcircle.com/career/coach/jf_2003_04.html

"Office politics is just like the lottery. Dreaming about winning doesn't get you anywhere - there's no payoff if you don't buy a ticket. You have to play if you want to win. -- Jamie Fabian "

Do you have low self-esteem sometimes?

I never thought about this question myself. But when the school is coming, and I am entering the third trimester of pregnancy, I felt nervous all the time. From time to time, I dreamed that I failed the class or I felt lost in the school. I do know why I suddenly become so worried. My husband told me that the reason I felt nervous all the time is because I have low self-esteem sometimes. I agree with it although I am not clearly aware of this. I tried to analyze this emotion by searching some psych tips from online.

Today, I search the web using key word of self-esteem. I found that even some successful people like businessmen, lawyers and doctors have low self-esteem and suffer depression. Do you find yourself sometimes suffering from low self-esteem also?

• Characteristics of Genuinely Low Self Esteem (from online)
  1. Social withdrawal
  2. Anxiety and emotional turmoil
  3. Lack of social skills and self confidence. Depression and/or bouts of sadness
  4. Less social conformity
  5. Eating disorders
  6. Inability to accept compliments
  7. An Inability to see yourself 'squarely' - to be fair to yourself
  8. Accentuating the negative
  9. Exaggerated concern over what they imagine other people think
  10. Self neglect
  11. Treating yourself badly but NOT other people
  12. Worrying whether you have treated others badly
  13. Reluctance to take on challenges
  14. Reluctance to trust your own opinion
  15. Expect little out of life for yourself

I know someone might think I am crazy and worried too much. Some people think it will be easier than I thought and I should feel relaxed. This really depends on a person's personality. Maybe because I want to be a good mother badly and at the same time I also want to do my best in school or at least survive from the hectic B-School first term's events and courses. Since I realize this emotion is harmful to my way to the school and to my current life, I feel that I need boost my self-esteem and raise my confidence before I start my B-school Journey.

Here is I found out from online: 7 ways to boost you self-esteem quickly:

• Think back to when you did something new for the first time.
• Do something you have been putting off.
• Do something you are good at.
• Stop thinking about yourself!
• Get seriously relaxed.
• Remember all the things you have achieved.
• Remember that you could be wrong!

I wish this can be helpful and I wish I can feel better in July 4th.

Happy to everyone! Thanks for all the encouragements.

MBA Survival Pre-kit

I am trying to prepare my survival kit. For example, doing things earlier than later. I am trying to fill all the forms required before enrollment and do other things such as setting up email, sending out physical exam forms, initializing my background check, checking what did the previous class do during their time at school, etc. Now it seems everything is ready except the background verification completion. I felt much relaxed now.

I spent sometime to browse the previous classmates' blogs. Thanks God, some of them wrote so details for the first semester at Yale SOM starting from the first day to the final exam, and through out two years of MBA. I obtained so much useful information and guidance from these blogs. I figure out that SOM has similar summer assignment for each class :

Sam Walton’s autobiography Made in America; (ii) Roger Lowenstein’s biography of Warren Buffett, Buffett; (iii) Gandhi’s autobiography An Autobiography; The Story of My Experiments with Truth.

I went to the township library and found all three of them. Wow, I never in my life read an English story book, although I like reading and read a lot in Chinese. Still English is not my official language and I am still not used to read in English although I always try. But this time, I got to try harder, force my mind to read English for fun, not only for academic. I found a way to finish assignment: I also borrowed sound records for these books, so that I can listen to the tapes while I drive to work each day. That works! Now I am listening Warren Buffett's way when I am driving, and feel interesting. At least, it can train my listening English. I am not sure I can finish three books in summer. Each night, when I get home, I told myself, ok, let me start to read, but then I quickly found excuses to shift the target to TV friends or Cooking Book. Oh..maybe I will start to read this weekend then.

I have bought basic accounting book for the class. I thought I can pre- study for it. Who knows how many pages I will read before school. I just want to relax after work each day. Relax, ya, right, I need time to relax before I go to school.

Today, I received an email to inform me that my apartment in Yale will be ready in July 15th. I figure I will waste one month rent since I won't be able to move up after August 3rd, my scheduled last day of work. I cannot help since all the other 2 bed room apartments on campus starting from August are gone by the time I visited. I have to take this one. It is good to have place whenever I can move in August.

There is one thing I am wondering: what did other classmates wear during their orientation and visit to New York Stock Exchange floor, business suit or casual clothes? After I spent some nice money to two business suits for the school, I found I was pregnant. And my new suits are size 2, the smallest size they can make, which definitely cannot suit me during my three and forth trimester of pregnancy. I figure that I need get a pregnant special business suit. At least, I still want to be professional and I wish I can be treated as usual in a professional way in school other than a pregnant woman. I do not want my study group consider me as a burden also. Maybe this weekend, I need go to shop for the suits.

2 more month to school starts, 4 weeks to give resign notice, 6 weeks to work.

Oh, I am excited to know what I am carrying now, a baby boy or a baby girl. I will know this on July 2nd if I am lucky during my 20 weeks ultrasound check up. I already have a cute boy, and I prefer a girl this time.

I am a little scared before the B school Starts

A lot of things to do before enrollment in Yale. Processing the loan with the Financial officers, taking physical exam and filling the health form, finding the apartment and signing the lease, Processing the background verification, and packing the moving box, etc. I am exhausted each day after work, and still have to catch up those things. Too much stress recently, I didn't gain enough weight I should by now. I have been pregnant for 17 weeks, normally gaining 5-10 lbs, but I gain nothing. I didn't have much appetite due to the stress. I consider to quit the job earlier to have a break myself.

I have bought the Basic Accounting book and Eco book. I thought I can start to read early to prepare myself. So far, I only read a few pages.

I found a SOM's alumnus's blog, which is so detail about the life in Yale since the application process to the graduation. I read it every day from his application process. Today, I read to the October 2005, the month of his first midterm in Yale. I got scared by his post. Here is some quote from http://flatpointmba.blogspot.com/2005_10_01_archive.html

---First week of school :"My classmates and I are inundated with work. Three SEM assignments and two Accounting assignments are due this week. At the beginning of next week our first Finance, Econ, and Stats assignments come due - and they're pretty substantial. The reading, review sessions, study group meetings (we've already met twice and will meet two more times before the week is up), and career events have taken up 16 hours of every day since Sunday. And it shows no signs of letting up."

---For midterm: "It's a tremendous relief to be done with midterms/finals. During that week, I got 1 hour of sleep on Sunday and Monday nights; and three hours on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. A little cold at the beginning of week turned into a terrible one by the end of it. With so little sleep and so much caffeine, my body didn't stand a chance in fighting off the illness. I managed to sleep a lot over the weekend though and am now as good as new."

"A classmate of mine, for instance, told a story about how she walked home one day crying hysterically. "

I read and I felt almost freeking out. Oh MY GOD! A single man in his 20s or early 30s even felt tough for the first term. How can I pass it with late pregnancy and labor deliver in the middle. I do not want to be one of three to five who fails each year. And I definitely want to survive. I mean I never have problem in academic before, but I can stay late, no sleep and work hard. But this time, I cannot say "oh, I will work hard", because I have a new baby need rest. I cannot stay overnight even I can. I do not want my new born has any problem. The maximum I need get 5-6 hours sleep each day I wish. I wish professor and school can have more flexible arrangement for a pregnant student. I do not know until I really go there. But I do feel headache when I read those. I didn't even read to November and Final in December yet. Anyway, I have no choice. I have arrange to go, then I will need face it and try my best..that is all I can say now.

God bless me, my study and my new baby!

I am going for MBA with pregnancy

It has been a long time that I didn't have time to come to my blogger. I like to clear a few things before I start a new page. A few months ago, I did decide not to go to interview for Chicago. But at the last minute, my best friend criticized me and pushed me to at least just give it a try. I did go to interview for Chicago and met a good friend there. Of cause, I didn't get accepted. I appreciated the trip to the University of Chicago, where I did see a modern school of MBA and a lot of difference than other schools I have visited.

What has happened during these months since my last post? You cannot believe me. I got pregnant accidentally just when I decided to go to Yale MBA and dropped the CMU $40,000 Scholarship. I already told my boss I will leave this year. I was not ready for this sudden pregnancy. What should I do? Should I go for it or defer one year? I contacted school and friends, talked to existing YALE SOM students, posted on BusinessWeek for suggestion. My family were strongly against me to go this year as well as all the others except my best friend, the one who persuaded me to interview at University of Chicago. I did request the deferring, and it was approved. But then my best friend accused me again. We are similar type. At the end, she successfully persuaded me to go for this year with pregnancy due to my worse office situation. I did feel that I rather try harder to get through the roughest first term than endure office suffering. Now here I am, one of the class of 2009 at Yale SOM. I am not sure whether I can make it, but I have to make it, and no other choice.

I want to thanks all the people whoever give me suggestions and help through online. I know some students did give birth before the school start, or have baby at the second year. But I didn't hear any case that a student had baby in the middle of the first term, the most intensive term during full time MBA among top 20 schools. Maybe there is someone there I do not know. But I tell myself that you have to make it work. And here we go.

I have started the enrollment process a few weeks ago. Luckily my parents will come to help me in October before my due day. My husband will not be able to move up with me due to his work, but it is fine. I have locked a two bedroom apartment in Yale Campus and started to pack my things and baby stuff. I think I will still work until the week before the school starts. I am facing a huge financial debt for this MBA, but I wish it is worth for my future. I keep pray God to bless me and my new baby. I also pray for all the new students who will enroll this year, and for the one who will try next year.

God bless us.