Finally fired my boss! -:) Office politics

What I mean is that I finally quit my job for my school. The feeling is good and it seems that I fire my boss with release. 5 years! I have been worked for this group for 5 years, which is my first job in America. If not because the damn green card sponsorship, I won't tolerant the unfairness, crazy long hours with no overpay, and extremely entry level salary for that long. As many people know it is harder and harder to get US residence these days. It might be easier to come than to stay. Even I am the only women engineer among 8-10 hardheaded engineering men in the group, nobody even cares that I have been pregnant for 5 months. They kept pushing me to my edge with crazy busy work each week, and no any appreciation.

When I gave the resign letter to my boss yesterday, and gave the reasons that I want to take break for my pregnancy, he was surprised " Oh, it is already 5 months! I don't know that long already. Are you sure you quit is for pregnancy not for xxx?" xxx means unfair treatment I have had these months. He never thought I will leave with pregnancy because he thought I need money for my school next year (he thought I defer one year). Like many others say, do not damage the relationship and burn the bridge. I smiled and said: "No no, I do not blame anyone. I think it has been a great experience to work with you for 5 years. I just think it is time for me to take a break." He felt a little guilty and said: " You know, I like you a lot, just sometimes, for my position, I have to do something I do not want to." We all know what that means. I said (smiled all the time) " it is fine. I understand. " Then I left his office. At that moment, I felt so released.

For women in engineering world, a men's world, I can say that it is tough to play office politics and it is hard to play well, specially if you do not have a good English skill in US. I know I was a bad game player for office politics. I was negative and wanted to hide from it. I thought as long as I have good working skills and do my job well, it would be fine. It turned out that it was not true! I learned a lesson from this job.

I never want to be a superwoman, and I just want some respect and fairness. At this exit point, I realize that only good technique won't save you from complicated office politics, and it cannot guarantee your promotion and your career path. You really need involve, observe, and also play well to stand for yourself. After all, I still value this 5 year experience as a positive one although I experienced a lot of unhappiness and unfairness. Stop complaining and start to learn! This is what I tell myself now. B-School is also a small society, and everyone needs play well for relationships. It is not too late to learn how to play well.

I find a good article from online yesterday http://jobcircle.com/career/coach/jf_2003_04.html

"Office politics is just like the lottery. Dreaming about winning doesn't get you anywhere - there's no payoff if you don't buy a ticket. You have to play if you want to win. -- Jamie Fabian "

Do you have low self-esteem sometimes?

I never thought about this question myself. But when the school is coming, and I am entering the third trimester of pregnancy, I felt nervous all the time. From time to time, I dreamed that I failed the class or I felt lost in the school. I do know why I suddenly become so worried. My husband told me that the reason I felt nervous all the time is because I have low self-esteem sometimes. I agree with it although I am not clearly aware of this. I tried to analyze this emotion by searching some psych tips from online.

Today, I search the web using key word of self-esteem. I found that even some successful people like businessmen, lawyers and doctors have low self-esteem and suffer depression. Do you find yourself sometimes suffering from low self-esteem also?

• Characteristics of Genuinely Low Self Esteem (from online)
  1. Social withdrawal
  2. Anxiety and emotional turmoil
  3. Lack of social skills and self confidence. Depression and/or bouts of sadness
  4. Less social conformity
  5. Eating disorders
  6. Inability to accept compliments
  7. An Inability to see yourself 'squarely' - to be fair to yourself
  8. Accentuating the negative
  9. Exaggerated concern over what they imagine other people think
  10. Self neglect
  11. Treating yourself badly but NOT other people
  12. Worrying whether you have treated others badly
  13. Reluctance to take on challenges
  14. Reluctance to trust your own opinion
  15. Expect little out of life for yourself

I know someone might think I am crazy and worried too much. Some people think it will be easier than I thought and I should feel relaxed. This really depends on a person's personality. Maybe because I want to be a good mother badly and at the same time I also want to do my best in school or at least survive from the hectic B-School first term's events and courses. Since I realize this emotion is harmful to my way to the school and to my current life, I feel that I need boost my self-esteem and raise my confidence before I start my B-school Journey.

Here is I found out from online: 7 ways to boost you self-esteem quickly:

• Think back to when you did something new for the first time.
• Do something you have been putting off.
• Do something you are good at.
• Stop thinking about yourself!
• Get seriously relaxed.
• Remember all the things you have achieved.
• Remember that you could be wrong!

I wish this can be helpful and I wish I can feel better in July 4th.

Happy to everyone! Thanks for all the encouragements.